I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
