Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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