dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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