Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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