girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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