You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
