I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
