Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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