It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
