if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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