I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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