it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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