I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
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i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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