Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
