I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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