I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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