I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
