make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize