Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she told me i tasted like america
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
