i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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