is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
