I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
