I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
