She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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