To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
