He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
