I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
