Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
