There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
