i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
