i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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