Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You have to summon your inner elephant
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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