i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
