i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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