$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
