i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
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She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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