to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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