sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Found the puke drawer
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
