Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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