Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
