Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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