It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
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OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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