dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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