Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
