Dual....:-)
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
