Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
