i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
