I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
