dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
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I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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