so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
