I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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