All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
