I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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