Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
