Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
