i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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