I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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