I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
porn star boner night. come get it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
