after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
