evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
