2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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