Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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