You're completely useless in the revolution.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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