Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
