You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
