I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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