Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
