You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
