I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
