I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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