I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
