And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
