Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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