How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
only if we run a train.
done.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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