I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
