I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
