She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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