Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
