Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
