I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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