Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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